reflections

happy beautiful october! it has been a long time coming. reflecting back on where i was last year i can tell you i was a much different person back then. i was at such a different place mentally, emotionally, and physically and now i feel more in tune with myself despite all the things that are going on. i think because i do these somewhat frequent check ins with myself that i am able to just know what my purpose is and all those sorta things…

i think what i want to focus on for this particular post is just knowing who i am and what it is i want and really be in touch with myself. as i’m typing this, i’m going to give myself about 5 minutes to think about this so i can write the rest of this post up.

the word that comes to mind right now: stress. lots of it—some good, some really bad. i have lot on my plate despite only having 3 classes. there is a lot of volunteering, a lot of working, a lot of expectation in my workplace and a lot that we’re doing fall quarter. most of my stress is job/volunteer related because i have to volunteer in order to pass all my classes. i also have to work on transfer applications (again) and that whole ordeal. maybe try to find another job? i can only hope.

family: i haven’t been able to spend time during the week with my family, particularly my parents. i come home around 8-9pm every night and then on the weekends i am usually doing events or make up spending time with them. still, 2 days out of the week is not nearly enough. i want to spend time with them more because i just miss them despite the fact we all live in the same house.

friends: i should definitely check in with my best friend but more importantly, i need to make it a goal to hangout with my coworkers and my own actual friends that i have made. i am so engorged in my work and my grades that i am starting to wear myself out. on top of that, my supervisor/friend at my work is venting to me about her job so it is a lot of emotional baggage that i have to carry and take home with me.

myself and relationships: i put this category together because i feel that working myself is a relationship between me and myself—the me that i actually am working with the me that i hope to one day be. i feel like the person i am right now is at a good place despite the small things that pop up on occasion—but i know in the future things can easily change so always taking care of myself and working towards it at a steady pace. as for relationships with others i am honestly surprised that i am willing to actually try it. i don’t know who would want to date me exactly…but i am open to it! i actually hope for it…

this post, out of nowhere, is dedicated to jamsein because i feel that

1) i owe it to you since i haven’t talked to you as in like actually message you one on one through fb chat or even here on tumblr and
2) because it has been so long, that it’s time to let some of these feelings go

(feel free to read if you want to, if you’re not jasmine, but whatever)

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sept 26 2014

technically i dont have class on fridays but it is already 1am where i am!

so it rained today and it was very cold! i loved it very much and i hope it only continues to get colder as the weeks go by. when i got home the other night, i fell asleep probably before 10:15pm and got around 7-8 hours of blessed and much needed sleep. i wasn’t able to do homework that night… anyway, woke up early and got ready for school and drove to school! that was scary. i could barely see with all the rain but it was nice weather until the afternoon.

went to my women studies class and i hate it so much. i hate that i need it for a grade and that she is the only instructor teaching the course. her style for running the class is based on group collaboration which is perfectly understandable—feminism and studying the history and current state in which women are in is important but have the class be lead by us (the students) and get evaluated by mentors in our overall grade? no thanks…on top of that, i am very anti-group work in college, i prefer to learn concepts on my own and then discuss with maybe 1-3 other people around me on it and then learn that way. why do i need to have my grade weighted based on the participation of others who don’t participate at all? my group was terrible—all we did was talk about “where do you buy the book” “what are we supposed to do?” and not even discuss a meeting plan. whatever. (i’m just a bitter ass lmao)

after that, went to work! my coworker/supervisor friend was stressing out with scheduling and stuff so i had to help her calm down. she stresses so much. another coworker says she really likes me because i am super nice and friendly ;_____; i never expected it (i never really expect it from others) but! knowing she likes me makes me feel warm. another coworker bought us milk tea! so that’s cool. bonding with them was really great and i hope we can all actually hangout soon.

after work i went to the computer place. so recently my laptop got stolen when it was at a repair place and so the repair place compensated me. i went to deposit that money and went straight home and straight to sleep. even though i prefer cool weather like today, i am always sleepy and so i got a lot of sleep and here i am!

that’s all up from yesterday. as for the day before that (wednesday), the same old deal. it was my M/W classes and seeing all the students in my lgbt studies class i TA for was really nice! they were all, um, interesting. one girl talked about bubbline from adventure time and their importance in media which really interested my professor (who doesn’t watch cartoons). 

AND FOR FUTURE THINGS:

  • volunteering at an LGBTQ youth center! starting this friday man do i get to work or what
  • going to speak at an API high school student conference as a student panelist! i love it! i love these opportunities + being able to hangout with my friends!
  • go to the gym every friday morning if i can (since i don’t have classes)
  • IN THE FUTURE, BUY A MACBOOK PRO @ MY CAMPUS

those are the most immediate things that come to mind. i am going to try and wake up early so i can go to the gym so good night again

sept 23 2014 

  • going to bullet point this because i am exhausted and need to shower
  • day 2 on me being back in college and i’m exhausted. started homework an hour ago and TA work and i am tired. managed to finish both but i have to print something out and update my online planner omfg end me.
  • my intro to women studies class is today (and my only class) but i am already not liking how she is running things but ehhhh whatever i guess. (i am just annoyed that it’s the ONLY class i need in order to have a good grade on? fuck me)
  • my friend ranted to me about our job and she was very stressed out. i hope things work out good with her.
  • the weather is steadily getting cooler which is good. i am glad to get rid of the fucking heat. 
  • seeing old faces and working with new students is exciting. i love my job.
  • also saw old counselors! managed to get volunteer opportunities! speaking opportunities! OPPORTUNITIES AFTER OPPORTUNITIES!
  • okay shower time i am exhausted and sweaty

sept 19 2014

so i am going to try this whole “logging my day” thing. i normally like to start on meaningful days but i haven’t been good at logging my life lately so! here’s this.

i decided to go hangout with my coworker today! well, we planned it yesterday so that was cool. i picked her up, we went to eat at a mexican place in san jose, then went to target and bought school supplies, then to ulta, then office max before going out to dinner. we talked a lot about school, how we weren’t ready, events and things we wish were available to us, along with our own little lives and just spending a whole day (from like 12-7) with one another.

i think it was a really good thing for me? i had trapped myself in my house throughout most of the summer and it was really bad for me. even now i am still sort of like pulling myself away from negativity but it has been a lot better. lately, i’ve been taking care of myself and my appearance. i am going to try and work out because another coworker looks really good and i am inspired by him…so i am going to try and workout after school haha. 

so yeah, spending time with people who matter has boosted my mood significantly. 

when we were at ulta, i bought a lot of cosmetics (mainly for my hair) and i hope my hair improves!! here’s a picture of things i bought:

all of them (except for the urban decay make up setting spray—i have yet to check) are organic!!! so super healthy and good for the environment and your body because they’re sulfate/paraben/chemical free for the most part. 

i think that’s it for today. i will definitely write up more in the future!